TUESDAY TALK | Breakdowns, family time and Netflix overload

LIFE UPDATE

So in the last week I have had 3 breakdowns, many sick days and a lot of family time. This week has been pretty draining emotionally and mentally. Nothing dramatic happened to push me over the edge, it just kind of kept hitting me. This week was the closest I've been to killing myself. I always feel like if I were to erase myself from the world, it wouldn't change anyone's life. I don't fit in anywhere. You can't miss a piece that doesn't fit in the jigsaw. I think what reinforced the feeling of me being expendable was that a person in my life, who I really cared about, decided recently to just walk away. As if our friendship meant nothing. It hurt me harder than I'd like to admit. It feels like I'm only ever there to fill temporary positions in people's lives. 

Literally for the first time in my entire life, this week I really wanted to see and speak to my mum. If you have read an old post of mine called 'My Mum and I; The truth behind the lie we show' then you'll know that I've never had a great relationship with my mum, so this freaked me out quite a lot. I blame it on my medication. I had two really great movie nights in this week with my best friends which is exactly what I needed. Whilst writing this post I've been thinking about how truly incredible my best friend is, she really helped me this week whilst I was in the midst of having a break down. She wasn't trying to give any advice, she was just there. Listening to me, supporting me and loving me. 

I have my first meeting at the job center on Monday with a work coach. I'm flipping terrified. Fairly certain I'll be having panic attacks every day. If any one has any tips for me or just wants to run me over with their car I'd be eternally grateful. 

MY WEEKLY LOVES

Since I have zero life, I've finished all 10 seasons of Friends in 2 weeks. (I regret nothing)
So I've been making my way through the rest of Netflix, which I've almost completed, and I thought I'd share some of this weeks favourites. 

- Now You See Me
- Now You See Me 2
- Killjoys
- Black Lightening
- Power Rangers
- Mechanic: Ressurection
- Extraction
- How To Get Away With Murder
- Scorpion


How was your week? Lets chat in the comments below.

All my love

xx

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