'I Could Have Been A Contender' by Mummy's Waisted


I was someone once, a professional with a career, a company car and mobile phone.

OK, so I wasn't CEO of a company in London, but to me, being an accountant in a local company with over 2,000 employees was a big deal to me. I worked late in the evenings and at weekends, I went on all the training programmes available and joined in the company hotel-stay 'leadership' events. I even wrote and application letter for a progression scheme the day before I got married.

I loved it. My sense of purpose and self-worth was at a high. I thought I was the bees knees and destined for greatness.

When I got pregnant with my son I carried on working just as hard, right up to the three weeks before I was due. I had hour long phone calls whilst on maternity leave, as clearly no-one was good enough to replace me.

Then my son arrived and life changed completely. I was a complete fish out of water, I had no control over anything anymore and my confidence as a mum was low. I was desperate to go back to work, to what I knew, what I was good at.

But when I went back after nine months, I didn't feel like I thought I would. Yes, I was doing my job (albeit on a lot less sleep) but I had other things competing for my brain space. And those other things were more important to me than efficiency savings and helping directors achieve their bonuses. The joy on my son's face when he saw me picking him up from nursery was worth a hundred times more.

I then went on to have a daughter, still working full time, and feeling guilty pretty much all the time. I'd had a difficult time my childminder at school and I didn't want the to happen to my two.

Once I'd stopped being caught up in the newborn / crying / no sleep / more crying / teething / weaning / crawling / walking phase with my daughter, I sat back and thought about my conundrum. I could carry on pursuing my career, but to be really successful would mean working full time (plus probably more hours). Or I could change my life so that I could be with my kids more. I would be there for the school runs, the nativity plays, the daytime toddler groups.

But would I be happy? I would be giving up what made me feel like a proper person. Perhaps I could find something new, which fitted around the kids but keeps the old grey matter ticking over and gives me some purpose. 

Never did I think that blogging and internet marketing would be the magical cure. But the more I lay my soul bare, the more I love it! My brain is constantly whizzing - what should I write about now?

That said, that old conundrum still comes back to haunt me on occasions. I went to a friend's house recently and met someone with a very high powered job, and a two year old. I mused over this in the car on the way home - was I jealous? Maybe a bit. Could I cope with travelling to London two days a week, coming home at 8pm and missing out on my childrens' days? Absolutely not. 

So for now, I'm the happiest I've been in years. I don't have as much status or money as in the old days, but I'm richer in many other ways.
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Gemma runs https://www.waisttrainer.uk/ and writes as Mummy's Waisted about her quest to reclaim her wedding day waist size whilst juggling family life with two small children.

You can find more Mummy's Waisted posts here.

2 comments:

  1. This is such a great post. I believe in doing what makes you happy!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Nicole.

      I'm so glad you liked the post. Thank you very much for reading and commenting.

      -SH;AL -xx

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