Dear Nan, I miss you...


Nan,

10 years since I last hugged you. 10 years since I last heard your calming voice. 10 years since I last seen those beautiful and kind eyes. 10 years. It seems like a long time but I still remember it like it was yesterday. The day that a piece of my heart was ripped out. It left a hole that could never be fixed. I used to fear that one day my memory of you would fade. But it hasn't. I still remember every line on your face when you smile. I still remember how warm your hug felt. I still remember what you smelt like. I still remember your voice. The memories offer comfort but the pain has never faded.

I'm not a believer that a soul continues on, or that our loved ones watch over us. You are my only exception. I've never been able to believe that you're completely gone. I can't believe it. I need to hold on to the idea that you're still by my side, because without it I would break down.

I just want one day. One day to be in your arms. To ask you if I became the woman you wanted me to be. To ask you if I make you proud. To ask you how I'm supposed to get through life without your advice. I need you to tell me that I'm going to be ok.

You came through to talk to Amy yesterday. So I've booked an appointment too. I know I'm a skeptic when it comes to that stuff but please be there. Please tell me you're still here. I need to know I'm not alone.

I need you.

I miss you.

I love you.

Forever and always.

xx

4 comments:

  1. This touched my heart so much! I was closer to my dad and lost him a while back, anyways great job and prayers 💙

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words and I'm deeply sorry that you lost your dad. All my love.

      Han, xo

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  2. Hey, sweetheart... I'm so sorry for your loss. Seems like she was an amazing human-being <3 Trust me, she's proud of you & she's happy for you.. Sending you a BIG hug! <3
    Khadija | October's Lallu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. Your kind words mean everything to me. She really was an incredible person.

      Han, xo

      Delete

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