Why I'm choosing to follow happy impulses

Short answer - because life is just too fucking short.

If you take anything away from this post, please let it be that. But this wouldn't be much of a blog post if I left it at that, so let's talk about how I came to this realisation and why I've decided to live my life this way.

A couple of weeks ago I found myself surrounded by people who are struggling with different mental illness'. Struggling to the point where they can't make their own decisions because they can't distinguish reality from shit their brain fabricates. Seeing that was the most eye-opening experience. Yes I have depression and anxiety. Yes it sometimes takes control of my life; but I'm still so lucky to be able to make my own choices, and how sad would it be if I didn't take advantage of that.

But inner demons aren't the only thing that has shaped my way of thinking, it's also been the evil that this world faces everyday: terrorists, murderers, rapists and abusers. We're all well aware of the many devastating terrorist attacks that have happened all across the world. Thousands, maybe even millions of innocent people killed at cafe's, nightclubs, concerts and many more places that people have gone to simply to have fun. Just imagine going out with friends and not making it home. Life is just so goddamn short and we never know when our last day is.

All I seem to see on Facebook lately are news reports of deaths in my area. Shootings, stabbings, acid attacks, hit and runs, car crashes: every day seems to be welcomed with more deaths by crime. I feel like we're all just sitting around waiting or expecting the same thing to happen to us. I know I've certainly been guilty of that.

I came to the realisation that we live in a seriously cruel world, and I don't believe that it'll change, it definitely won't happen in my lifetime that's for sure. Cruel world or not, I'm here now and 'now' is the only certainty I have, so I had to ask myself a question: do I wait around, playing life safe until the day I die, or do I get up, get out and follow happiness? I chose the latter. I have promised myself that I will follow every happy impulse that presents itself to me, without exceptions. I won't make any excuses as to why something is a bad idea. I won't create a mental pros and cons list before saying yes to an adventure. The only question I will ask myself, the only question that really matters, is whether it is making me happy. If the answer is yes then I am in, 100%.

Meeting James has been the happiest adventure of my life, so I told him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. If I was the same person I was last year I would never have said that to him out of fear, fear of being rejected or hurt. But I'm not the same person as I was last year, now I don't care about whether it's forward or "too soon", I think about the fact that I have no idea what life will bring tomorrow and I don't want to miss my chance to tell him how I truly feel. Every day that I get to live my life with him is a blessing, and I will follow any happy impulse with him.

I realised a while back that there are two options when it comes to living my life: make safe decisions or follow happy impulses

I've tried making safe decisions. I worked in secure, minimum wage jobs. I said no to spontaneous trips and day's or night's out so that I didn't waste my money. I went through life at the speed other safe people go at. But then I realised that making safe decisions is not for me. It's boring and sucked the joy out of my life.

Now, most of the things that bring me happiness in my life are here because I followed an impulse. I haven't regretted one yet and I don't think I ever will, because who can regret happiness?

How are you going to live your life? You only get one and time isn't promised.

Love, Han


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