Christmas In Love

I can't quite believe how close we are to Christmas already; I'm feeling more and more festive each day that we edge closer. I've been feeling especially festive and happy today, which I'm pretty sure is a result of spending the day with my Nan making a cheesecake for Sunday's pre-Christmas dinner dinner, getting my hair done and of course because I'll be reunited with my love tomorrow. I felt so good today that I even wanted to go out out for drinks...but I'm broke. That definitely hasn't dampened today's happy vibes though, because instead of drinking myself into a 3 day hangover, I decided to put all of this energy into a blog post. Today's post is inspired by two of the reasons for my current happy heart - Christmas and James.

Christmas is my favourite time of year, it always has been, and I didn't think it could get any better. That is until I experienced being in love at Christmas time. It's like I'm being hit with all of the magic in the world all at once; and I love it! Every Christmas I wished for true love, but it never found me. Last year I gave up wishing for it, I began to think that no amount of Christmas magic could make that happen, but in March I met the love of my life. When I finally did find true love I had to question whether I was even ready for love. But is anyone ever truly ready for love?

Although I always wished for true love, I'd never actually believed in love at first sight; that we could fall in love with someone in just one glance. I still don't believe in it because I didn't fall in love with James at first sight; but the second I looked into his eyes, I loved them, and as soon as I saw his smile, I loved it. I may not have fallen in love that day, but after just one glance, my heart belonged to him completely.

I'd read once that in life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. That you'll be able to talk to this person for hours and never get bored and you'll be able to tell them things without the fear of being judged. That this person will be your best friend and your soul mate. I never believed that until this year, because James is truly unlike everyone else in the world. When I'm with him it's as if I'm split in two; one half of me goes absolutely crazy if I'm not touching him, and the other half of me is perfectly content knowing he is the only one for me.

This year I found the kind of love that doesn't demand that I prove my worth; a love that doesn't make me sit in a constant state of anxiety. It's a love that allowed my soul to recognise a home in another person. He reminded me that even broken things can be loved, and this broken thing will never stop falling in love with him. We've been together for over 9 months, and although that may seem like no time at all to some, to me it means I'm ready to spend the rest of my life by his side. Because the truth is, a person can be in a relationship for years and feel nothing, and a person can be in a relationship for only a few months and feel everything. Our relationship has taught me that time isn't a measure of the quality of love.

I look forward to everything that is to come for me and James, but for now I want to be grateful for the fact that this Christmas my heart belongs to a man who loves me well. A man who is gentle with me but doesn't treat me like I'm fragile and damaged. A man who knows what I'm capable of achieving and believes in me unconditionally. A man who isn't intimidated by my strength, but who instead is proud of it. A man who is kind and compassionate. 

James, I love you more than those three words can ever comprehend. And in case you ever forget, read this and know that I am never not thinking about you.

Don't forget to tell those close to you how much you love them this Christmas.

With love, Han


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