Living With Toxicity

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I can't recall a time when I haven't lived with toxicity.

I grew up in a house where I had to be the parent emotionally.
I was given a roof,
and with it the responsibility of keeping the house together.
I was given food,
and with it the responsibility of feeding their ego's.
I was given water to bathe,
and with it the responsibility of being their carer.

I grew up in a house where I couldn't be me.
I was given a sketch pencil,
only to be told I would fail.
I was given a mirror,
only to be told I was ugly.
I was given a dress,
only to be told I was a slut.

I can't recall a time when I haven't lived with toxicity.

I live in a house where I don't matter.
I'm given a smile,
only to be made to feel unhappy, again.
I'm given a hug,
only to be made to feel unwanted, again.
I'm given an apology,
only to be made to feel hurt, again.

I live in a house where I've lost myself.
I'm never insulted,
yet I feel shamed.
I'm surrounded by people,
yet I feel alone.
I'm free to come and go,
yet I feel trapped.

I can't recall a time when I haven't lived with toxicity.


and I believe I deserve better.

Love, Han

xo


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10 comments:

  1. Oh my God Han, this is so beautiful and touching. The best thing about poetry its that you can get all your honest and real feelings out.

    This is such a heartfelt poem - I hope writing the poem made you feel better!

    Best wishes,
    Lena

    www.lenasnotebook.co.uk

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Lena. I definitely felt a sense of relief when I wrote this.

      Love, Han. xo

      Delete
  2. What a heartfelt poem. Very moving. Wishing you all the best going forward and all the healing! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so glad you liked it.

      Han, xo

      Delete
  3. You do deserve better. This was so touching to read, thank you for sharing :) <3

    https://www.chloexlizabeth.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your kind words Chloe.

      Love, Han xo

      Delete
  4. Thank you for sharing this, you're an amazing writer and you deserve so much x X x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! You're so kind, it really means a lot.

      Love, Han xo

      Delete
  5. Lovely writing! Sorry you feel this way, it's rough when toxicity runs into a way of life. I've experienced all of the above myself, slowly getting rid of all the toxic people in my life bit by bit, it takes time but it'll be worth it in the end. I hope you can overcome yours 💖.
    Thanks for sharing!
    Much Love,
    Laura xx
    Https://www.directlylaura.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Laura. I really appreciate your kind words.

      Love, Han xo

      Delete

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